Before I start explaining, I want YOU to have a close look at this XRAY....
These are my lungs and the reason why I have a swollen right lung is because of that small white dot...He is my closest friend/ enemy. I did learn a lot from him..He teaches me to have proper meal and healthy food...He also makes sure I know that who is my real friend.. I am having sleeping disorder because of him too...I can easily fall asleep at anywhere due the new medication going against him....If I dont take the medicine, I will have terrible back pain and chest pain....Everytime during the pain, feel like killing myself....Nobody can feel the pain that I have to deal with.....The booster shots they gave me during chemo which encourages my bone marrow to overproduce red and white blood cells. This will ensure that I’m strong enough to continue the treatments.....It’s hard to appreciate how many bones you have in your body until they all start hurting at once.....I am still having the pain till today...I thought it was over , but yesterday my bones screamed out like a wicked choir in a clench-your-teeth-and-wait-for-it-to-pass kind of pain....Sometimes, I want to end everything as soon as possible....I want to release my anger but there is no place for me to release.....keeping it inside my heart is killing me slowy...I do not want to burden people around me anymore because one day, they will be annoyed by it and will tell me directly....I try to be happy in front them altough I am in deep pain because I DO NOT want to be hurt again...I am damn useless, Why I cant be healthy again? Why I want to rely on others? I want to run to a place where everyone treats me as their friends and relatives rather than burden...Although you never tell that I am a burden in your life but I can sense it.....and I can feel it..If I think it is the right time, I will dissapear....maybe it will be better for all of us..Thanks to him, I get to know people around me well and their sober limit....
Not easy to be a human and it will be worse if you are a sick person " The ODD one"....People will look down at you or think that you are using their sympathy to gain something....but they never think that you are dying and you might leave them anytime.....they do not cherish every moments that you spend with them, they will think that you are annoying or troublesome..invading their privacy or space and why you are requesting so much from them...why you keep saying that you love them or hug them..... but when you are no longer around, what is the purpose of crying and being sad??????....As human being, we never learn this lesson, we will never appreciate people around us until the day we lost them.....
( NUMB)
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